My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
