I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
