i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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