I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
