what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
