thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize