ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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