Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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