Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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