just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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