this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
