Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
