you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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