your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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