i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
