wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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