and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I touched a dick in church today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
