i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
