Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
