Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
