M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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