I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Randomize
