cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize