I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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