I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
