We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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