I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
