Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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