watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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