Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
