I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
