you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
