It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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