She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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