Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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