i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
