I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
