I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
