My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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