i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
