we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
