babies were throwing up all over the place
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
