I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
