OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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