What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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