So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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