so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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