Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
