im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
