everyone is single if you try hard enough
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
