My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
