3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
