I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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