Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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