Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
