if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
