Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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