Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
