it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
