Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
