someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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