i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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