im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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