hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
