Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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