just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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