his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
