Small penises have feelings too.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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