it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
