And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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