I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
