brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it's like iHOP with fire
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
