I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
