I got chris browned last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
