I think I am morally bankrupt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
