He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
