lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize